


The Customer Review

by Happyorogeny



Series: The Illidari [7]
Category: World of Warcraft
Genre: Gen, Mentioned violence, mentioned goblins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-22
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2019-03-22 14:59:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13766592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Happyorogeny/pseuds/Happyorogeny
Summary: GoblinGlowInk kindly donated a number of products to the brave Illidari of the Broken Shore. But Kayn has a complaint.





	The Customer Review

Tehd attempted to flex his fingers and stopped as the sinews in his left hand creaked warningly.

“Explain to me again why I’m the one writing this?”

“You’re a neutral party,” Asha said, perched atop a stack of supply crates. The demon hunters liked to be up high. The longer he spent amongst them, the more he was convinced they were essentially cats. Big, loud, tattooed cats who liked to squabble with one another and fight demons twice their size. He was in the process of writing a paper on it, entitled Why Demon Hunters Don’t Come When You Call: A Warlock’s Guide.

“I have never been neutral about anything.”

However, something had to be done about the situation and the demon hunters were all prone to distraction. Marius had promised to help him and almost immediately spotted a felguard that needed slaying. He was still off in the valley somewhere, making his usual racket. Tehd sighed and picked up the quill. An owl feather, he noticed. They must have stolen it from the wardens. Great.

“Dear Glow Ink-”

“It’s GoblinGlowInk,” Jace corrected. Tehd scowled up at him. He was ridiculously tall, even by night elf standards.

“With a name like that you ought to have known what you were getting into.”

“It was free.”

“That’s even more of a warning sign.”

He tried again.

“Dear GoblinGlowInk, I am writing on behalf of the Demon Hunters-”

“Illidari.”

He sighed, mostly out of habit and partially so that they could all hear his annoyance. Many of them didn’t have particularly clear sight.

“On behalf of the Illidari of Deliverance Point in regards to the products kindly donated to our forces.”

The twenty or so demon hunters crammed into his tent cooed approvingly. Some long dead part of him wanted to sneeze. The smell of artificial strawberries was almost overwhelming. To think some of them had the nerve to complain about him! He was careful to wear an amulet that reduced his natural aroma of formaldehyde and iodine.

“While the offer is much appreciated, we have discovered a potential flaw with your combination Shampoo/Bodywash.”

Personally he was quite sure the issue was deliberate. Goblins were notorious for their business acumen. It was cheap to rush a product and then ship it off for the soldiers to act as unwitting lab rats. Better yet, it made them look as if they cared about the warriors fighting to protect them.

“When exposed to felfire ink and the other various energies around an Illidari, this product causes them to turn bright blue or bright pink.”

“You need to be more specific. It’s neon.” Kayn was perched in a very precarious position on the edge of the makeshift desk. His hair had reacted by turning an eye-watering shade of purple. Most of the demon hunters were indifferent to or excited about their new colours, but Kayn retained the classical Sin’dorei vanity in regards to his hair. Tehd could understand that. A man had to have his standards after all.

“Tell them it needs to be brighter.”

Kor’vas on the other hand was delighted to have turned a dappled mix of fushia and lilac. She claimed that it dazzled demons and confounded the shivarra and succubi so much that they weren’t able to fight back. Kayn hissed at her.

“They lied about what it is!”

“It does wash out demon blood very well,” Tyles pointed out. The self-appointed Felhammer pilot had finished his shift several hours ago and passed over responsibility to Allari, under grave instructions that she was not to activate the laser cannon unless Lord Illidan called for it. The largest demon hunter was leading an attack on the demonic portal with several of his fighters, and Maiev. Thus he might have need of the cannon for a number of reasons. Mostly self-defence.

“While overall they like the colours, this was not a listed side effect of the product. In conclusion, we ask that you separate the active compound from the shampoo and sell it as a separate dye.”

Which, of course, would only make them extra profit. Tehd could almost admire it.

“Happy?”

“Sign it from us!”

“Yours, all the Illidari, and also Tehd Shoemaker.” There, he thought with satisfaction, that would put a stop to their gallop. Everyone knew you couldn’t fool a forsaken.

“Put some perfume on it,” Falara ordered.

“What? Why?”

“They’ll open it faster if they think it’s a love letter.” She bounced excitedly. “Oh, and we need to put a kiss on it to make it look real. Who has lipstick?”

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed this work, check out the rest of my writing and find me at https://happyorogeny.tumblr.com/writing


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